


memory.

by rivainitea



Series: Mahariel March [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: #MaharielMarch, Comfort/Angst, M/M, Multi, Trans Male Character, they r all dating each other and they r hapey!, they r polyam !!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23021251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivainitea/pseuds/rivainitea
Summary: after the events of trespasser, with two children and two loving husbands, samir cannot help but remember the days when they were still so new to all of this. those memories, he would not bury. ever.
Relationships: Dorian Pavus/Male Warden, Zevran Arainai/Dorian Pavus, Zevran Arainai/Dorian Pavus/Male Warden, Zevran Arainai/Male Mahariel, Zevran Arainai/Male Warden
Series: Mahariel March [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650520
Kudos: 6





	memory.

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is another piece for #maharielmarch :] samir is trans if u dont say trans rights i will boink you in the head w a water bottle. no capitalization this time cause what is grammar! thank u sm kate @witchesgonewild on twitter for 1. creating mahariel march with me, 2. proofreading this because i was half asleep while writing it!! enjoy :]

"are you trying to seduce me, dorian?"

"hm, and what if i am, inquisitor?"

"no need to."

"im sorry?"

"no need to try. you've succeeded already."

"oh."

samir chuckled lightly. _twisted thing._

"yes, dorian?"

"i... im sorry inquisitor."

"what?"

"you miss him."

"..."

"you miss him, dont you?"

"... fuck."

"you miss your husband. what is he like?"

"hmpfh,"

"what is your husband like? talk to me."

"he's... good."

"just good?"

"he's great."

"and just great?"

"i..."

_i cant describe him with words. or sounds. or anything. he's out of this world. i miss him more than anything. i miss him. i want him back and nothing more. i want him._

"your earring. you're constantly looking at it and playing with it but rarely wearing it. why?"

"leave."

"what?"

"leave. please, dorian,"

"i wanna make things better for you,"

"don’t,"

"let me help you."

"i can’t let you do this to yourself."

"what are you talking about?"

_come on, it's just a quick look around. we'll go back to the keeper later._

"i want to kiss you, dorian."

"i... im not surprised. i am, after all, a handsome man."

"that you are."

"but you are married."

"that i am."

"your husband would not mind?"

"my... my husband would not mind at all, i believe. its his way of being alive. he is not very monogamous, nor am i."

"..."

"but i cannot let you be a fling, dorian. you deserve better than this. besides..."

"...you are the inquisitor?"

"i do not want to make things worse for you."

"how would this make things worse for me, samir?"

 _samir_. only fair, he thought, since he was calling the other man by his first name as well.

"you think i can’t hear the walls?"

"is this some sort of warden taint thing?"

another chuckle.

"you think i can’t hear the way people talk about you? i know rumours are rumours and the truth is the truth, but me not caring does not mean you don’t care. the tevinter mage seducing the inquisitor?"

"is it not true, samir?"

"fuck."

"hah! you say lots of crude words for someone so high up as the inquisitor."

"i’m a warden first,"

"... hm."

"which is another reason why i cannot allow myself to hurt you."

"this... this is some sort of warden thing now, right?"

a simple nod.

"i have done this to zevran already. i can’t let you hurt yourself by liking me."

zevran. _zevran_. despite samir's anguished words, that specific name did not leave his lips like a rushed lover would leave a closet. it did not even leave his lips. they were there, all over his lips, and some more. such a tender name, dorian thought.

"zevran is your husband, then?"

"he is."

"what would he say, were he here?"

samir froze.

"i am unsure."

"you said you've been married to him for ten years now,"

"it’s... been a while since i saw him last."

"and you miss him,"

"haven't we established that already?"

"... ugh. samir, it hurts me to see you like this. you can barely focus on your work."

"you here does not help me,"

"... of course."

"oh. no. i didn’t mean it that way. i..."

"i know that. listen, samir. i understand if you do not want to be with me, kiss me, do whatever with me-"

"i said i want to kiss you."

"yes, well, you said that, yet you do nothing."

"i can’t always have what i want."

"but this time you can,"

"...and it’s exactly why i mustn't,"

"you sound like a princess in a fairy tale. please, listen to me"

"yes?"

"can you write a letter to zevran?"

"... i might be able to. why?"

"i’d like to talk to him. tell him how much you miss him. tell him how much you want him."

"... dorian?"

"hm?"

"why are you doing this?"

"because i was hoping for a raise, maybe."

"oh, i see. and the truth is?"

"because i like you, bastard. how did zevran do it? i can’t imagine how many nights he must have spent serenading you."

" _dorian_."

"dont say my name like that, _samir_."

"then don’t say mine like that."

"i can’t help it."

"can’t help what?"

"can’t help feeling your name in my mind. if you won’t let me kiss you, at least let me taste your name in my mouth."

what a low blow, dorian.

an exasperated sigh, and a gasp.

"there is nothing stopping you from kissing me."

"oh, now there isn’t? make up your mind, please."

he would never betray zevran. it was never betrayal. zevran and samir had never been monogamous and they had known this since the beginning of their relationship. but it had been so long since... since zevran. what if the familiarity in that name slipped from samir's grasp? what if his name slipped from zevran's grasp?

he couldn’t help but feel insecure, in a way. maybe it was yaevrin who did this to him? pregnancy causes mood swings, of course.

no. it wasn’t yaevrin. it was another blonde elf, a long time ago, whose name he dares not mutter.

another blonde elf, whose name means just as much as nothing now, still carved into the trunk of some tree, and a S by its side.

teenagers do dumb, stupid things.  
samir had been taught by death that loving was one of them.  
but he had little to no restraint left. death was closer than ever before.

"kiss me."

"are you... sure?"

"i finally made up my mind, please don’t make me question myself any further."

"sorry,"

" _mhm_."

lips so soft, lips so tender, lips so... full. full of something samir couldn’t quite understand. hunger? need? shame? guilt?

it wasnt a long kiss, but a nice one, and it left samir a bit lightheaded.

"so. can i help?"

"... tell leliana i'll be sending a letter to zevran soon,"

"and why would she believe me?"

"because now you know his name."

"and no one else does?"

"they've heard his name. not many know it, not like i do. they don’t know his name when i say it. they don’t… they don’t love his name like i do,"

"of course. thank you, inquisitor. i want to be the one who writes the letter, however."

"... dorian?"

"yes?"

"just samir, please."

"alright, samir."

**********************

" _caro mio_ ,"

"mnh?"

"ah.. hah. you are adorable while asleep. id’ love to watch you sleep like this, you know. the sun shines so beautifully on your skin. so, so beautifully."

"...mhm?"

"but you are squeezing me quite tightly,"

"oh. oh i’m so sorry, zev."

"it’s quite alright, _mi amor_! i love being so close and intimate with you, you know this. but my lungs cannot handle your strong, loving arms.”

"..."

"i missed you."

"mm.."

"truly."

"..."

"are you mad at me, my love?"

samir almost yelled in surprise and regret,

"no! no, not at all! im sorry! im so sorry."

"oh... oh _caro mio_ , you are crying, i’m so sorry."

"no, it’s-"

"it’s not fine. it is very much not alright. i’m so sorry. i underestimated how much you wanted me and loved me and i hurt you by not being there for a year,"

"i should be used to it,"

"no, you should not. i do not want this kind of life for you. a man like you cannot be hurt,"

"it can’t be avoided,"

"yet i’m sure i can do something to not hurt you, right? as your lover?"

"you’re my husband, zevran."

"ah... there it is. say my name again, please?"

" _zevran_ ,"

"no one says my name so fondly as you do,"

"i missed your voice."

"aww, just my voice?"

"i missed everything about you,"

"yes?"

"... but ‘specially your voice,"

"indeed, i do have a very... sultry voice, do i not?"

" _mhm_.."

"you are so sappy."

"it’s your fault."

"oh? how is it my fault?"

"you are so good. so great. so... so much. fuck, zevran, i can’t describe you with words. i cant, i just can’t. youre my everything and... and so much more and i cant handle being away from you and i can’t handle not having you by my side."

"oh _cariño_..."

"ah,"

"something happened?"

"please call me _cariño_ again"

"i can think of many more things to call you,"

"such as?"

"love of my life,"

"hng,"

"my flower,"

"..."

"my dearest,"

"zevran,"

"yes, i will kiss you, just let me finish my nickname list,"

"heh, go on."

"handsome,"

"are you just gonna say 'hey there handsome' in front of everyone?"

"would you rather i didn’t?"

"absolutely not. i am in love with you, am i not? call me handsome as much as you’d like."

"that is... more reassuring than you might understand, samir."

"yeah..."

"there is something i’ve been meaning to talk about,"

samir felt his whole body shake and crumble.

"did i do something wrong?"

"what? no! why do you ask that?"

"sorry, i just... i..."

" _amore_ , what is going on?"

"please just tell me what you wanted to talk about,"

"are you going to tell me what’s bothering you if i tell you?"

"yes. i promise."

"alright, well. usually it’s you who writes me letters, but the letter that urged me to come to skyhold was from a man named dorian."

"ah. yes. dorian,"

"he wrote... rather intimate things about you,"

"... what?"

"nothing extremely... raw,"

"zevran, what?"

"he... opened up, i think? he said he likes you. he wants to meet me. he said it upsets him to see you sad, and that when you talked about me, there was a clear... what was it... look of agony, in your eyes."

"i..."

"i believe he also added that the kiss you gave him felt quite empty,"

" _ah_ ,"

"i thought you were a better kisser, my love,"

" _ah_ , well,"

"ohoh? are you blushing, samir?"

"mmhm.. maybe."

"and why is that?"

"i wanted to kiss him more,"

"you did, _mi amor_?"

"yes,"

"how much?"

"it was all i could think about for a long while,"

"and why did you not?"

"i thought it would be better to wait for you, then we could both kiss him,"

"aha! is he handsome, my love?"

"he's gorgeous."

"then you have to introduce us,"

"are you sure?"

"oh, for the chance to see you blushing like that again? absolutely. i might as well collect another husband,"

"you're enjoying this, are you not?"

"perhaps..."

"oh! who's the one blushing now?"

"blushing? nonsense! i am simply feverish,"

"ah yes, i'm a fool! forgive me!"

"... will you please tell me what has been bothering you this whole week?"

"maker, okay. i... i dont know. i feel this... tight, heavy thing in my chest. im unsure if its fear or... despair? agony? distress? i don’t know. i feel like im... going to die..."

the sudden realization could not have been more crushing.  
the silence was even more destructive.

"we will find a cure, i promise. stay strong with me my dear, please."

zevran could not hold back any tears. why would he? why would he hide how much he needs samir?

"i... fuck, im sorry. i just... i just realized how obvious this was... zev,"

"yes?"

"promise me you will stop me if i start asking for you to take me to the deep roads,"

"... samir,"

"please. please promise me,"

"i..."

"love,"

"i promise. it wont come to this, i will find a cure. we will."

"i have to," he muttered.

"for now, perhaps we can think of better thoughts? maybe you can introduce me to this dorian fellow?"

"yeah, that sounds good."

"but first,"

zevran sat up and brought samir up with him, kissing his neck just gently enough that samir's want for more wouldnt take over him and delay his meeting with dorian.

"well. shall we then? i am eager to meet this man!"

*****************

"you look gorgeous, dorian,"

"i know, dear. i am gorgeous."

"ah... there is a man who knows his worth, hm? so dangerous."

"ha! im a mage, and the most dangerous thing i could do is know my worth?"

"magic can kill just like a toad being thrown at full speed can kill. fearing magic helps no one!"

"full of intellect as always, _amatus_ "

zevran quickly got up to hug dorian from behind, hands on his waist and face resting on his shoulder.

"so much flattery, hm?"

"i... i don’t think i ever apologized,"

"apologize? you and samir are full of little puzzles. they are marvelous to solve, of course, but please explain?"

"for... ugh. i shouldn’t be apologizing,"

"i quite agree,"

"the kiss samir gave me,"

"wasnt as satisfying as you wanted it to be?"

"it was... quick, yes, but not bad at all. that's... not the point, however,"

"it very much is."

"yes, well, the kiss wasn’t wrong and i know this. samir made it quite clear that you two are not monogamous and do this quite often, but..."

"you were hoping for something more?"

"yes. i still am,"

“i think you might have just found it,"

"oh?"

"go on, kiss me, lovely. show me how you wanted to kiss samir."

" _ah_ ,"

"do i really need to say pretty please?"

"no, not at all. i simply wish to know if this means something... more?"

"ah, i see, i apologize. of course, samir and i talked about this. if we ever stumbled upon someone we both find ourselves wanting, we welcome them into our relationship, if they want us both as well."

"just... just like that?"

"what do you mean?"

"simple as that? just 'hello you've been wanting to kiss us, and we want to kiss you, welcome!' ? simple like that?"

"ahah! that's an interesting picture, but no. this is not just some threesome, dear,"

he kissed dorian's dark, sweet scented hair.

"we want you because you are an interesting, complex, lovely man."

"and the people you have threesomes with are not interesting and complex?"

"they are, but never in such a way where we start adoring them."

"you two... adore me, then?"

"so much... what is the word you used? _amatus_?"

"ah, yes."

"then yes, so much, _amatus_."


End file.
